Boom. New Year.

I am unable to multi-task. I am reading which means I am not writing. I'll have time next week.

It has arrived

I'm so pretentious. Now I can get dirty.

Nihilism is for the birds.

I hate my blackberry. I'm forced to redo this post.

Before I start, I would like to acknowledge my ass being kiced by one Lawrence Lee. Read his comment on the previous post. I will no longer be writing from a pseudo angst ridden standpoint. Time to actually do something about it.

And on that note, I hate nihilism. How do you live your life believing that there is no meaning to it? The mere thought depresses me. And don't get me started on moral nihilists. How do you believe that there is no inherent right and wrong? They believe laws are driven by logic and reasoning. There is no such thing as logic without an inherent right and wrong. What is logical to you would be illogical to me. What leads us to common logic is that we both believe that something is right. A functional society would not exist. The world would be dominated by rapists, murderers and pedophiles. F*ck Nihilism

Sorry for the tangent. Jack pissed me off. I've been thinking about the main theme of my novel. What drives people to behave the way they are? Would one situation or circumstance in life change the person's ethos forever? How much are we driven by regret?

Regret. Perhaps the underlying theme? How much does one opportunity in life mean to someone and what would happen if they missed it? Do we pick ourselves up, or do we continue to say "what-if"? How does this one situation shape a person's life?

Moving in a different direction, my conversation with Jack sparked something today. Is there a such thing as inherently good or evil? Can someone be born void of goodness? Can circumstances in life create one or the other?

So many ideas, so many different directions I can take this in. Where the hell is my notebook? I think I'm finally read to start. Does someone want to supply me with a year's worth of Jameson?

A mere coincidence.

It's one of those "right place at the right time" things. I was having a drink with a coworker yesterday and while speaking of the state of Michigan football, a gentleman sitting next to us joined our conversation. He did some part time teach at the School of Ed. Long story short, the guy was a Michigan man. Turns out, the guy is a bigshot and I found my company a potential client. Right place at the right time.

Which brings me to a conversation I was having with wilty early this year. Why us? Our whole lives are a "right place at the right time" moment. There are over 6 billion people in this world and the large majority of these people will never have the life or the opportunity that we will have. What are the odds that we were born into the privileged minority? Could it be a mere coincidence?

And I ask myself... Why me? Why am I so selfish? I've thought about dropping everything and moving to somewhere I can really make a difference. But I am weak. I can't, no, I'm too selfish to do it. I justify it by saying I can do better by assisting financially and helping here. But am I really doing enough. How do I know that my money will reach the right people? Do I even do enough here to make a difference? And half the people I help, do they even need help, or are they only there for the free handout?

I want to be strong enough to travel this world to help people in need. I envy those people with the fortitude to do that. I definitely do not have it in me... Right now.

I was born with riches the majority of this world will never see (thanks mom and dad). Right f*cking place at the right f*cking time.

I can see a theme. This blog was the best and worst idea ever.

How it really began.

Right. I have all this free time now that my exam is over. I can focus on more important things (no, not my wedding). As implusive as I am, I didn't wake up thinking "dude, it'll be awesome to write a novel like right damn now". I was inspired. (This will probably be in my works in one shape or another, you know, when I get there).

June 19, 2009

The first week back from Vegas. A mostly uneventful day. Went home to get something or another. As I walked back home, I witnessed the most amazing, beautiful, awe inspiring sunset. It was a strange, all of a sudden, punch you in the face, where the hell did that come from moment. I was walking along, probably recalling a blackjack hand, and all of a sudden I was surrounded by a sea of crimson red. Everything moved in slow motion. there were no more people, no more world. Just that moment. And for that eternity, I took it in. Every breath, every heartbeat, every single chemical reaction. And as quick as it came, the moment passed.

There isn't a day that I dream about going back. I tell myself that I want to document it to share it with you, but in reality, I selfishly hope that in writting this, I will be able to relive a minute moment. There are few things in life that make me truely happy. My future wife (probably should go without saying), and that moment are two of them. I'll live the first one for the rest of my life. I hope to relive the other one day.

Now channel your lifeforce through me. We'll do this together.

This is how it begins

Just kidding about the pen.

For the first time in a while I feel semi-productive. Now if I can translate that into words.

It is done.

I finally figured out how to post from my phone. Awesome.

Jack, the purpose of this blog is so I will never have to start my novel. It's productive procrastination.

I finished level 1 of the CFA today. I realized that if I spent half the time I did studying, I could be half way through the introduction by now. It wouldve been 42.5 times less productive but atleast 3 times as fulfilling. Worth the tradeoff?

When I grow up, I want to be creative. I want to be able to bring my thoughts to life. I want to be able to create things out of nothing. When I grow up?

I need to be inspired. I need a muse. Which gives me another excuse not to start.

Sara is feeling a little neglected right now. Peace.